Sometimes I Just Don't Get People...

So, every morning I walk down to 7-Eleven, purchase a delicious iced coffee deluxe and walk across the street to what I thought was a full-on restaurant with tables and chairs on the sidewalk that no one ever ate at because no one ever sat outside. I smoke a cigarette, listen to my ipod, sometimes read the newspaper and start my day off right watching the early risers come and go from the buildings, the 7-eleven, and the Starbucks on the corner as the sun starts to channel through the streets as it rises over Lake Michigan. This morning was a late morning. I skipped 7-eleven and just smoked a cigarette. I peered into the storefront that I thought was a restaurant and realized that they made egg sandwiches, and coffee, and after I went inside, it was then I realized that it was an upper end italian delicatessin that sold to order breakfast and different types of salads and dishes sold by the pound and wine and liquor and blah blah blah. The place rocks, I can't believe I've lived in this building for three months and had no idea this place was across the street.

There were two people working there. Both under the age of 20. The male, obviously the manager and a teenage girl with piercings covering her face. An older woman, posh looking yet still unkempth, upscale, had them both working behind the counter on heating things, and side dishes, and how she only wants a quarter pound of this and a quarter pound of that. She spat out many other things that went ignored, either went ignored or these kids just didn't know how to socialize with her. Shit, I don't think anyone could. She was just standing there a few minutes after I walked up behind her, already paid, actually it was "credit on Gason's account" she said. She kept asking questions. It was starting to piss me off. I'm waiting, patiently for at least ten minutes now, for one of the two behind the counter, moving slower than molasses, to say "what can I get you?" and I would say "a croissant egg and cheese and a coffee please". Alas, the question never came. All the while, this woman just kept yapping and yapping.

I'm starting to really lose my patience, however where am I in a rush to? Nowhere. Guess I'll just find the amusement in this meeting of the minds. The topic of pizza comes up between the older woman and the teenage pincushion. "You guys serve pizza? Wait, I remember, Gason had pizza the other day and it was deliiiccciouss. He couldn't remember the name. Was it you guys?" Teenage Hellraiser just stared at her blankly. "Was it you? It was a white box. Do you guys have a white box" she yells to the manager who is now in the back doing god knows what. "Get a box. I want to see if it's a white box" The girl rushes off to the back. At this point I believe I mouth the words: "Are you fucking serious?"

"I want to see your box!" she yelled. "I want to see your box!" ; "Holy shit, she yelled it again!" I now have a huge smile on my face as the girl returns with a white pizza box. The manager comes back, looking confused about what the hell is going on" "That's it" the woman says. "I ate some of your pizza the other day, mmm it's good." They stare at each other for a few seconds, the woman then checks her bag to make sure everything was there. They both just stand there blankly and watch as this woman slowly rummages through her bag to make sure everything is indeed there. At this point, I don't know what the fuck is going on nor do I care. The older woman finally leaves.

Attention is finally on me. "Can I help you?" I point up to the sign. "Yes, three months across the street and I had no clue you guys were even here." cricket cricket. I point to the board that says croissant egg and cheese sandwiches, with bacon or sausage. "One of those croissant sandwiches please. with bacon". She looks confused. She looks at the manager and I shit you not he said this to me. "Do you want egg and cheese on that?" "Yes Numbnuts, I just want bacon on a croissant. Throw some extra bacon fat on that fucker and soak that shit up" But I didn't want to be rude. "Yes, bacon egg and cheese" I say. Then I say, "Was I the only one fucking cracking up when that woman was yelling "I want to see your box" to you?" Slowly it washes over them. The manager laughs, the teenage girl looks at me like I'm crazy. I pay my tab and enjoy the best fucking egg sandwich this side of Toledo on the sidewalk, listening to my ipod, watching the slow moving weekend world around me. Not to worry 7-Eleven, the coffee tasted like shit. I'll always love you my 7-Eleven boo!

Speaking of 7-Eleven, so I looked by the register the other day, and where the 5-hour energy shot glass things are. There are now new little shots that you can purchase for 5.49... ExTenze. So if you're confused and haven't seen this yet at 3 in the morning, take a look at this infomercial.





I want to make many jokes here, but I'll let that video speak for itself. I'll provide my idea for an ExTenze informercial later. Enjoy your Saturday people!